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Dale Furtwengler
Dale Furtwengler
Over a half dozen people told me "I want your life." What they really wanted was to be free of fear, anxiety, and frustration. My books and related programs on confidence and counterintuitive thinking help kids as young as 8 to 10 discover the secrets to a life others' desire.


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FOR OUR KIDS: Patience

Jan. 19, 2017 3:41 pm
Categories: Confidence

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Teach Millennials to be Patient?

While I'm a huge Simon Sinek fan, I don't know that I agree with his suggestion that we teach millennials to be patient. I don't know that we can teach patience. We can, however, teach kids to be more confident knowing that confident people are less anxious and, consequently, more likely to be patient. For it's the anxiety we experience that begs a quick result.

Confidence and Success

So how do we teach kids to be more confident? By helping them become more aware of their successes. Let's use the millennials that Sinek referenced as an example. They crave being impactful, yet they have no clear definition of what "impactful" means. I suspect they view it as something big, grandiose.

The reality is that we are impactful every time we help another human being. Listening to someone's problem, giving them a reason to laugh, acknowledging something they did well, being happy for their success are all examples of having an impact. More importantly, we're able to have that success multiple times a day every day of our lives.

Remind your children of the impact they are having every time that they help another person. Allow them to savor their success and the good feelings that accompany it. It's the memory of these feelings that will prompt them to behave that way more consistently and, consequently, enjoy more of these feelings throughout their lives.

Eliminating Failure

The second step is to eliminate failure from our vocabulary. We will make mistakes every day of our lives, but we only fail if we didn't learn from our mistakes. Ask your kids what they learned from the mistakes they made.

Allow them to discover the answer on their own, they'll remember the lesson better than if you provide the answer. They're also less likely to make the same mistake again.

By helping them view their mistakes as learning experiences rather than failures, you help them avoid hits to their confidence. The more confident they become, the less anxious they are and the more patient they're likely to become.


Interestingly, these simple approaches of creating awareness of the positive impacts a person has on others and converting mistakes into learning experiences can dramatically improve the confidence of anyone at any age. It works as well for millennials and baby boomers like myself as well as for our kids. Help you kids become more confident and you'll likely see them become more patient as well.

Bob Butler
January 19, 2017 at 4:55 pm
Simon Sinek is Wrong About Millennials

Simon Sinek is the poster child for those that believe TED trained speakers are to public speaking what PowerPoint is to presentations... a remarkable tool for making bad ideas look good and be convincing contrary to your best judgment.

Nobel Laureate Daniel Kehneman's "Thinking Fast and Slow" offers excellent insight how human brains are pre-wired to find people like Sinek very credible and convincing, but in almost all cases they are not providing the best information and are likely to encourage bad decision making.

For example, what Sinek considers one of his most important exhibits in his presentations for how millennials are unique is how they use and interact with their mobile phones, especially in social and work settings. Very convincing until you come out from under his spell and you realize he is describing how just about everyone of many age groups use a mobile phone.

And Sinek's other point about the epic struggle corporations are having connecting to and motivating millennials is more about how corporations have changed as they have gotten bigger and more dehumanizing, not about unique characteristics of millennials. Trust me – a just from central casting baby boomer – if I was in my late 20's today trying to be creative and make a difference in today's model for corporations, they would be having a lot of trouble keeping my interest as well.

Sinek is polished, articulate, thoughtful and observant, but he lacks the worldly experience and objectivity to understand fully what he is seeing, just like the scientist that starts with the conclusion, then collects the research to prove the conclusion is right.

Dale Furtwengler
January 19, 2017 at 8:28 pm
Bob, I agree that the corporations own their share of the blame. My experience has been that all parties involved contribute to the problem. The key is for each to ask "What 's my contribution to this problem?" For within the answer lies the behavioral change required to fix their portion. That, however, doesn't prevent any party from also seeking ways to help the other. I appreciate your insights. Thank you.
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