Having taken some time away, I return to find my treasure trove of humorous references to Charlie Sheen now dusty, moss-covered, relics of a bygone time, a bit like Charlie himself. Timing is everything. With a bit of luck, references to Donald Trump’s hair will soon meet a similar fate.
The media business, playtime and the wonderful telephone phone that does so many things all moved another step closer to disappointing their children.
Don’t let the screen door hit you on your way out, Glenn:
Fox News Channel is justifiably disrespected by everyone but its viewers, but some of those viewers aren’t just old – they’re growing up. Despite on-screen raves from “the talent” about a “new and improved” social security plan that will basically eliminate social security, Fox viewers seemed to regain their sense of smell and yell, “no!”
And only a few months ago, each week brought a new Glenn Beck gem for our Archive of Cultural Idiocy. Today, he’s fast becoming Glenn Who? Mr. Beck’s name now goes on our wall of One-Time Controversial TV News-Talk Super-hosts that includes the formerly famous Morton Downey Jr., Jenny Jones, Maury Povich, Montel Williams, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Jerry Springer, Geraldo Rivera, Tom Duggan, and Joe Pyne. Goodbye, Glenn. It’s been… interesting.
Cool Under Pressure:
The President was relaxed, confident, and showed he can deliver a good comedy monolog to a packed house on a Saturday night and order a terrorist leader be taken out on Sunday. A word of advice: Do not play poker with this man.
Still a perfect gift for that Special Someone:
Move over, aging, once-popular Beanie Babies. Next month marks the one-year anniversary of the introduction of an Elvis Mr. Potato Head, available wearing a white sequined jumpsuit or a black leather outfit. He’d be 75, if he had not moved from the big room in Las Vegas to the Big Room in the sky. The legend sort of lives!
Results of a CNN poll:
Only two days after the noise erupted in a normally quiet neighborhood in Abbottabad, it seems 61% of Americans think Osama bin Laden is already burning in hell. Mr. bin Laden, you may recall, died peacefully in his home in the picturesque Pakistani community on May 1, after being shot through the head by a Navy Seal whom, one can assume, will find a small token of appreciation in his next pay envelope.
(Note: If anyone has any ideas about questions CNN can ask its viewers, this might be a good time to send them in. There seems to be a lack of... everything there.)
Still Politically Incoherent:
"Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society." – Rush Limbaugh
"We're not sexists, we're chauvinists -- we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want." – again, Rush Limbaugh
"[President Obama] wouldn't have been voted president if he weren't black. Somebody asked me over the weekend why does somebody earn a lot of money have a lot of money, because she's black. It was Oprah. No, it can't be. Yes, it is. There’s a lot of guilt out there, show we're not racists, we'll make this person wealthy and big and famous and so forth.... If Obama weren't black he'd be a tour guide in Honolulu or he'd be teaching Saul Alinsky constitutional law or lecturing on it in Chicago." – alas, still Rush Limbaugh
“We've got czars now. Czars like John Holdren, who has proposed forcing abortions and putting sterilants (sterilants?) in the drinking water to control population." —Glenn Beck
"Hunger can be a positive motivator." —State Rep. Cynthia Davis (R-Missouri), arguing against a program that feeds poor children and suggesting they should get jobs instead.
Apple forgot to tell its ecstatically happy iPhone users that the phone that does everything (including make phone calls!) had a tracking device that let the company capture data on where customers are at any time. Sen. Al Franken wants to hold hearings to investigate violations of customers’ privacy. And Sony’s playstation, which allowed people to play together all over the world, experienced a security breach that compromised personal data of some 77 million users. Sales of both products in the immediate aftermath of the bad news… seem to be pretty much what they were before the stories broke.
And Still Back Again
For people who miss former President George W. Bush and Will Ferrell, they are together again and as funny as ever. Check:
A new edition of Press Pass, the online sports magazine, is available for viewing at no charge. As the editor, I believe I can say, in all objectivity, it’s pretty good. Read it at http://www.presspass-chicago.com/.