Interpersonal Mediation

–± 00

I find it very interesting that managers have such a hard time dealing with employee interactions that have the potentional for a negative reaction. Not because managers should enjoy such interactions, but because it's part of their job and I feel like they should be prepared for the possibility of two employees having a disagreement. I have seen two people bring an office to a complete halt because they were fighting over something (something inevitably recognized as being "stupid.") Managers need to be aware of how to nip these situations in the bud so that it does not turn into a major issue for the entire office.

Because people in the US (I can't speak for other countries) are so enthralled by drama it is easy for any disagreement to turn into an office-wide fiasco if someone does not step in to deal with the problem early on. It is important not to act too early however as having a manager caught up in the drama will make things even worse. I generally give people at least a day to sleep on their feelings and see whether they can continue to work together before I bother getting involved. It is best if they have to interact as a part of the job as most professionals will set aside their feelings in order to get the job done. If this first interaction does not go well, however, a good manager will call the two (or more) employees into a meeting for a good old fashioned mediation session.

Mediation needs to be handled very delicately. There are many instances when a legal issue may be at play, and it will be important to get someone knowledgeable about employment law involved. If the issue does not involve legalities then the session is usually an excercise in listening to each perspective on the issue. If there are more than two people involved (especially if two or more are ganging up on an individual,) it is very important to single out the aggressors and have separate meetings with each of them and the "victim." I never approach two or more aggressors when they are together to talk to them about their actions as they tend to feel empowered by each other's presence. This may even be the reason for their aggressive actions! Not only does it give them the chance to speak without concern of reprimand by their fellow aggressor, but they may even implicate each other in their actions.

Once you figure out how to arrange the meeting(s) it is important to lay down the ground rules for the mediation from the beginning. Since the manager is "the Boss" he/she is the only person who get's to talk out of turn. Each person has to agree not to respond to what the other person is saying, but listen and think about what he/she is saying (i do allow note taking, but people don't usually take advantage of this.) If there has to be a timer for each person to talk, so-be-it. Regardless of how you manage the timing, they should each have an opportunity to speak their perspective on the issue. In the past I have allowed as many rebutles as necessary in order to resolve the problem. If things get out of hand, or if someone just does not seem to be "getting it," it may be prudent to take a break in order to speak with someone one-on-one. On rare occasions one or both of the individuals involved may not feel that they can be reconciled in the single session, so I generally schedule these types of meetings later in the day so that people can go home and sleep on what they have heard before having to go back to work.

I have found that most problems resolveable through interpersonal mediation are a result of people simply not listening to each other's perspective. Because of things that are going on outside of work, individuals can become self-absorbed and forget about other's feelings in the course of trying to get their job done. More importantly, they tend to forget that they are part of a team. Simply having them listen to their co-workers can do wonders for the situation (just like good customer service.) From a leadership perspective it is important to demonstrate your ability to listen, but also to demonstrate the ability to induce listening in others. Establishing this precedent in your team will create such a strong sense of cohesion that any task you attempt as a team will be easily surmounted.